Saturday: funeral

I went to Uncle Dave's funeral today.  It's been a while since I've seen a lot of the Fremont crew - I think 2016.  I missed one family reunion and a wedding since then because I had other plans before hearing the date.

Anyway, it was nice to see people, but the funeral itself was unexpectedly hard.  It wasn't hard because Uncle Dave died; it was hard because Mom died.  

It is sad that Uncle Dave died.  He was a fun uncle, a kid at heart, and loved God so much.  But at the same time he was recently moved to a memory unit and was dealing with macular degeneration...things were not going well and he was not the person he used to be.  He lived a good life and the funeral was truly a celebration of his life.  Two things can be true at the same time.  We can be sad he's no longer with us and happy that he is in heaven with Jesus.

Oh, the funeral reminded me so much of Mom.  I went into the sanctuary fully expecting to be ok: I hadn't even brought tissues.  But as we were sitting there all the memories and the grief came back before the service even started.  The grief isn't less, life has just grown around it.  But the flowers, the front row, and Mom's family just brought back too much.  Honestly, I felt a little silly about that.  This was not a funeral for Mom and my tears were not for Uncle Dave or his family.  They were just an overflow of my own grief and it sometimes hits unexpectedly.  Then as Dean was sharing a personal reflection he highlighted the fact that Uncle Dave "was in heaven and could see his parents, his sister Julie, and his nephew Bryan.  And, best of all, he could see Jesus."  I pretty much lost it again.  (Although it was also one of the first things I thought when I heard he died.)

But that's ok.  I know that I will be ok again.  They are tears of grief and loss, but they're also tears that show love.  I wouldn't have it any other way.