Saturday: Jesusland

It's been 14 years since Mom died.  And while it was a sad day, it was also not too sad.  She's been on my mind lately for an assortment of reasons, and I don't feel as though not being very sad is forgetting.

But she's in heaven and what a great place that is.  Isaac is trying to wrap his head around it.  He calls it Jesusland - at one point he thought we were going there after after Disneyland and I'm pretty sure he thinks it'll be fun like Disney.  Since I don't know what it is like, I see no reason to interfere with this idea.

We tend to talk about it in the car.  One day he realized that he might go there by himself and without me.  He was almost in tears.  But I was able to tell him that Jesus and Grandma Julie would be there and that I'd come after him.  He calmed down.

And he asked why we got some flowers at the store.
A: To remember Grandma Julie
I: Did she die?
A: Yes.  She's in Jesusland.
I: Do you miss her?
A: Yes.
I: Are you sad?

The last question was hard to answer.  I think I said something like yes, but it usually isn't too bad.  It's hard to explain emotions associated with death to a four year old, let alone to explain how those emotions change over time.

But I do miss her a lot; that question was an easy one.