Friday: a funeral

(TL;DR: I went to a funeral and was sad.)

Today I went to a funeral.  I'll admit, I was rather dreading it.  The circumstances had so many similarities to my mom's death: a person that wasn't that old, a cancer diagnosis quickly followed by death.  So they were already triggers on feeling sad.  But since it was my sister-in-law's father, I went.

I made it through the funeral itself without crying, mainly because I realized I didn't have any tissues so crying would be disastrous.  But I couldn't stop myself at the end.  I just remember how sad I was at Mom's funeral and how unreal it felt and how sad I was that Allison was (probably) feeling the same way.  I remember walking behind the casket on the way out of church and not being able to see because there were so many tears in my eyes.  I told Ben that I wasn't sure I could face Allison right then, and he said that was ok.  Phew.  I felt selfish, but I also remember being sick of crying and sometimes it was nice to be able to hold it together.  I expected we'd both be crying if I talked to Allison.  I managed to pull myself together at least a bit during the reception and talked a bit to her, but we kept it pretty light.

And I'm kind of thinking that the pain of losing someone doesn't dull or diminish after time, it just changes.  The sharp pain of their passing doesn't come as frequently, but there are still intense feelings of loss at times.  A big difference is that you also know you'll be able to keep going since you've made it this far.  Also, the intense pain will pass, at least until the next time it comes back.

The wonderful thing though?  It means I had a wonderful mom.  I wouldn't miss her otherwise.

Thursday: sickness

Yesterday Isaac seemed to be a lot better, even before the medicine.  (Although the internet said that croup is worst at night/early morning.)  This morning he seemed a bit off, but I just thought he was being three.  (For example, I was feeding Joshua and had forgotten to given him the bib that he wanted for his yogurt.  He started crying a real cry, so I came out to see what was going on.  He told me he needed a bib and I said, "oh, yeah.  Let me get that for you."  While I was getting it out, he shows me why he needs a bib by violently putting a huge bite of yogurt in his mouth, almost gagging himself, while convulsing wildly.  I just looked at him and wondered what in the world was going on.)

The people at daycare said he did great, but once we got home he kept talking about his head.  I didn't really understand what he was trying so say, so just brushed it off.  (His head is rough?  What is he talking about?)  He still was acting a bit weird, but not too much.  We were eating dinner (his favorite - chicken and tots) and suddenly he was done.  Laying on the floor done.  I passed Joshua to Ben and he came over and just laid against me.  The type of unmoving that you know something is wrong.  I think he had a headache.  Anyway, we gave him some Tylenol and then he fell asleep against my shoulder.

Hopefully he'll wake up happy!

Wednesday: the day

Everyone slept in until 8:45 today...crazy!  Isaac is usually the first one up, promptly when his alarm clock turns green and is ready to go.  This morning Joshua was the one that got me up.  I had finished feeding him and was getting him dressed when I heard I weird noise...it sounded like a squeak from when you rub your finger on plastic.  Then another noise...this time I thought the cat was about to throw up.  Then another noise...oh...they were all Isaac coughing.

Once he sat up and cuddled a bit he improved a ton, but I still ended up bringing him to the doctor and he's on some steroids for croup.  I feel like I've seen our new doctor more in the last 6 months than I saw our other doctor in total since we moved back to Michigan.

So we took it easy at home.  Joshua fell over while he and Isaac were playing and I had stepped out of the room.  When I got to the room Isaac was about to try and help Joshua up and was trying to calm him down.  It was super sweet.  Isaac went out and found a pacifier after I picked Joshua back up.

I had been looking through old blog posts to see if I could get a "compare Isaac to Joshua at the same age" outfit and came upon this video, where Ben threw up a swimsuit and clapped and Isaac found it funny.  I tried it today to see if Joshua would find it funny.  Isaac again found it very funny, but Joshua looked at me as though I was crazy.

We finished Isaac's valentines.  I'm glad they're done.  It might have been good trying to spell his name over and over, but I'm not really sure it helped at all.

Tuesday: Break

Today was winter break.  I was eagerly awaiting an afternoon all too myself...but what would I do?  Nap?  That sounded lovely but it could also eat up most of my afternoon?  Chores that are hard with children?  That sounded ok as they would at least be interesting chores.  Fun things?  That sounded nice.

Surprisingly, I didn't end up napping.  I did a combination of easy chores (things that didn't really matter but I've wanted to do them for a while) and fun things.  It was nice.

Monday: 28 weeks

Joshua turned 28 weeks old today.  Over the last two weeks he's gotten a ton better at sitting up by himself.  I can now leave him for short periods of time.

He's also figured out how to buzz his lips.  So he makes that sound all the time.

Saturday: Cuddles

Joshua is an excellent cuddler.

Friday: hmmm

It's early in the morning and Isaac was looking for "soft" pants.  I helped him find some and then crawled back into bed while he finished getting dressed and going to the bathroom.  Sometimes when I do this he gets to watch TV...so we had the following conversation while I was in bed.

"Can I watch SuperWhy?"
"No."
"Yes?"
"No"
"What?"
"No."
"I can watch TV?"
"No"
"What?"
"No"
"Yes?"
"No"
"It was a little sleep?"  [He usually gets to watch TV after his nap.]
"No"
"Why?"
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I got Isaac up from his nap only to find that he had threaded his sheet between his T-shirt and his zip, so that half of it came out the top of his zip.  Why?
"To make my tummy soft.  And healthy.  So it doesn't break.

Obviously.
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I was tickling Joshua and he was laughing and I was excited that he was ticklish now.  I tried to show Ben later and he wasn't ticklish anymore.  I felt tricked.