The deep thought is...why have kids? Are they really worth it? People always say "oh, it's different when it's your own." But is it different enough? I was reading "Saint Maybe" who pointed out that raising kids actually included spending a lot of boring time with them.
I'm doing a poor job explaining myself, but I'd encourage you to share your thoughts. Does the love and joy really make up for all the extra work, frustrations, and money? Really really make up for it? What's the best part? What's the worst part? Would you do it again? (You can secretly message me if you don't want to world to know that you actually wouldn't do it again...and yes, I know you love your kids. This would be like an alternate universe.) Would getting another cat really be a better option?
10 comments:
I gotta say... it's alot of work... I do agree with the "it's different when it's your own" because even now that I have one of my own (she's adorable and almost two...so we're just getting over the hard 'new baby' stuff:) like getting up in the nite and having them depend on you for pretty much anything) I still sometimes have it that other peoples kids drive me crazy and my daughter might do the exact things that they do that makes me crazy and it doesn't phase me when she does it... not annoying in the least.:) most times at least:) One thing that really bothers me about having kids is that it makes you and your spouse argue about who is working harder bc no doubt there will be a time when something HAS to be done for the child and you start debating about who worked harder that day or who is more tired or who has a harder time doing whatever chore stands in front of you... that is really annoying! What a deep topic to post on... I could write more and more:)
SOOOO worth it! The love I have for my kids is far more than I could ever describe. My life is so much richer for having them in my life. The joy (yes, sometimes frustrations too), is incredible. They are the greatest, most amazing blessings and gifts. Boring - no way! Watching them is great entertainment and I can act like a kid too and play with them! Best part - moments like hearing their giggles and belly laughs, hearing them say "I love you" or praying to God, having them fall asleep on you, hearing them read, hugs and kisses, them running to you with their arms spread wide... worst part - temper tantrums or seeing them hurting, but the joy FAR outweighs the other. If I had to do it all over again, would I? - without hesitation!! It took 6 years to have my second child and went through a lot for that - obviously I thought having another child was worth it. It was worth it.
I could go on and on... one more thing though - having children and a love for them I never knew I was capable of having so strongly - gives me perspective on God giving up His son for us and how he had to watch His son suffer, so we can all be forgiven... What love he has for us... and with all that love I have for my kids - it's amazing to think that God loves them and even me more than that!
PS - you can have our cat.
Children ARE a lot of work, but most good things in life are. Maintaining a relationship with God is a lot of work, but the more you put into it the more you get out of it.
Dave and I were in a great debate about having children ourselves. Dave has a rare genetic disease that has a 50% chance of being passed to our children-- Sylvia does have the disease and we are waiting to learn about no. 2. And we are also very independent people and weren't sure we wanted to be "tied down" by little ones.
In the end we firmly believed that if we did have children we would never regret it and would find it to be such a blessing and one of the greatest joys in our lives. We were right. I will admit, the first few months in particular can be VERY hard. I had Post Partum Depression to boot, and I had a very difficult seven months following the Pumpkin's birth. And there were times, many in fact, when I really doubted our decision. And yet, during that entire time I never doubted the greatness of my child or the love I had for her.
And now, the joy I get from her on a day to day basis is HUGE. It is marvelous to watch a little one learn and explore their world. Everything is new to them and the excitement they experience when they discover things is contagious.
And yet, there are many who choose to never have children. There is nothing wrong with this decision either. But I can assure you of one thing: If you do choose to have kids you will never regret it.
I have a kid, and it was worth it for me-- purely because I'm twice the person I was before and I have a much better sense of perspective.
That said, nobody should have kids that doesn't really really want them. Don't let anyone pressure you into thinking that's just what people do.
Also, you have all the time in the world if you are open to adoption, so don't make any decision based on biology, ever.
All I really have to say is that Children are a gift from God.
Hi Amanda,
I find this a very challenging subject to think about and I am glad you brought it up. I think one of the reasons it is challenging is because most of us think about children in terms shaped from pop culture. As a Christian and pastor, I think it's part of my role to think about children in terms of the Bible and theology and to help other Christians think that way, as well.
I'll give you some examples of what I'm talking about. I think pop culture encourages us to ask how children add to our lives. How do they fit with my career plans? How do they fit with my schedule and way of life? We ask how they will impact our marriage? The common denominator of thinking about children is the one having children.
Instead, I think the Bible suggests people think about children with children in mind. Part of the purpose of marriage is to create a context of safety and love for children. Pop culture has separated marriage from having children.
Also, Christians worship a Triune God, who they understand to be an eternal relationship of love between Father and Son that generates the Spirit. As humans--male and female together--bear the image of God, they reflect God in relationships of love giving birth to new persons. Of course this is not identical to the Triune God, but I believe it is reflective.
Well, I have added a different perspective on this than perhaps you were wanting--and I confess I share as one who only anticipates children, but (by my faith) necessarily does so.
We can understand where you and Ben are coming from. We follow a similar train of thought. We don't have any immediate plans for children in the near future either. I think there is societal pressure jump into parenthood as soon as possible, and to do so before a couple is emotionally and financially ready. The theory that children will keep a couple's relationship together should be void, because a relationship that requires any addition to make it stronger is the last environment in which a child should be raised. Our feeling is that if the time comes when we want to be parents, even if biologically that time has passed for us, through adoption, there are so many children in need of stable homes out there. Zachary and I have a lot of thoughts on this matter as we discuss it often.
All that being said, if you guys ever watch the movie Idiocracy, you may change your minds. :-)
Who, other than your child, can do their assigned job (make Dad smile) so effectively.
Having a child has made me understand the unconditional love of God for me... it is amazing how I can love my child... but so much more amazing how God can love me! Having a child really hit home what unconditional love REALLY is for me.
Dad DeYoung asked if I'd seen this post. As someone who's been married for 14 years and always thought I'd have kids, I can say that I agree with Zachary and Jennifer. If and when the time comes that I feel like I really, really want kids I will have them. I'm not going to have one now hoping that in five years I really wish I had a five year old. I love kids and I love having nieces and nephews and I also like my childless lifestyle. If I were to have a child unexpectedly it would be fine and I would embrace motherhood (I think/hope), but right now there's just no burning desire.
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